I watched an interesting video last week on Finerminds (the video is at the end of this blog post) and it spurred me on to further explore the topic of self-actualisation (or self-actualization for any American readers!). The term has been coined by Abraham Maslow, the American psychologist which is based upon his model or pyramid of the hierarchy of needs and if you ever studied marketing or any other related topic that explores the human psyche, you would have been introduced to the model at some point.
My experience is that the term ’self-actualisation’ is often bandied around without any caution nor further explanation and leaves many an understudy or seeker of peak experiences wondering what the topic addresses or sends them off searching for more information as to how to reach self-actualisation (the top of the pyramid) even when they may already have obtained or experienced self-actualisation in some form, shape or manner.
I have thus decided to further explore and summarise in my own words, the video I watched and found rather interesting.
So, let us start by asking: how self-actualised are you really and how fulfilled are you as a human being?. In other words, where are you at? And if you have no idea what I’m talking about or where to begin, then perhaps some of these pointers will point you in a direction to start scratching at that undisturbed and smooth surface. :-)
How to go about achieving some level of self-actualisation and peak experience is actually totally up to you and there are a few simple things you can do still today, even right now to explore this subject further.
1. Learn to or even force yourself to experience things fully, more vividly and totally selflessly. That means less self-absorption into your own problems, worries or concerns. Can you totally immerse yourself into experiencing something completely and concentrate only on that whilst being absorbed in the experience or moment? Easier said than done, isn’t it? If you are having trouble doing this, drop me a line and we’ll look at ways that will assist you in doing so.
2. We already know that life is an ongoing process, right? According to Maslow, we make our life choices which hinges on two aspects, namely:
- Our safety; and
- Our progress or growth
So when I speak about making choices around our safety, it’s rather obvious, isn’t it? Most of us want to and need to be and feel safe. We want security and therefore we choose safe options, safe jobs, safe partnerships and so the list goes on, instead of making choices or choosing for the sake of our growth and progress which may and inevitably does result in pain, discomfort, loss and trying times.
So what are the repercussions of safe choices?
- Safe jobs often tend to be boring, unfulfilling and lack the growth element we were seeking in the first place in order to get succeed in life.
- Safe partners mean that we never have to try harder, make an effort or even worse, that we have to accept merrily and gracefully what we are dealt with in a relationship because we are there on someone else’s terms, right?
- Safe friendships can mean that we never support our friends to be the best human beings that they can be but rather take a stance of complacency and comfort in order to avoid conflict or losing a friend or being excluded from a group of people.
“The neurosis in which the search for safety takes its clearest form is in the compulsive-obsessive neurosis. Compulsive-obsessive to frantically order and stabilize the world so that no unmanageable, unexpected or unfamiliar dangers will ever appear.” ~Abraham Maslow~
Conversely, let us address the results of making choices that support our progress and growth:
- Choosing discomfort in the short term may see you succeeding in the long term.
- Choosing to progress yourself up the ladder to self-actualisation may mean some lonely or sad times ahead.
- Choosing to become great in everything you tackle may mean becoming an outcast or labelled a rebel.
- Progress and growth may have its price but I think we may agree that it also has its prize!
So, where and when possible, would it make sense choosing growth and progress above a choice of safety?
3. Let your SELF emerge! This is a biggie, isn’t it? How many of you can and care to be yourself every day? I bet not too many. It’s mostly about what others think, say and expect of you that shapes your day, month, year and life, isn’t it? Another safe option to the road of acceptance. Can you, just for a moment or an instant imagine what your life would be like if it wasn’t dictated to you by anyone else? If you weren’t being told what to do, think or feel or how to do it? Most would respond with a ‘probably not’ or an inconceivable sigh of despair. So here’s an opportunity to concentrate on how YOU feel and what it is YOU want! Give it your best shot and let me know if you succeeded and how it felt.
“A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself.” ~Abraham Maslow~
4. When in doubt, be honest. Hmm… now I wonder how easy that is? Being really honest means that you are in the driver seat of the vehicle called RESPONSIBILITY. It means that you are going to have to delve a little deeper under this safe surface. Once you can be fully responsible for what you want, you have a chance at reaching your full potential. If you are playing the blame game, then forget it because this opportunity will be lost to you. And let me remind you that your potential does not and will never come from an external source, person, therapist, drug or compliment. It’s harnessed only when you look within to face the real music. Let me remind you yet again, that this is not a safe choice or action. If you want to be saved from an unfulfilling life, you had better rise to being responsible and accountable for it.
5. Listen to your own tastes and be fully prepared to be unpopular. Yet another unsafe choice! Are you clear about who and what you are or are you in expectation to be loved and popular all of the time? When will you realise that nothing is about ‘them’ but rather about you in an unselfish and selfless manner? Are you about standing out or blending in? And there is no right answer here but simply a question of whom you are serving when you start addressing what is really important to you.
6. Use your intelligence. And we are all intelligent AND it does not matter how or in which area of competence. Using your intelligence implies that you are prepared to work well at the things you want to do and to work well at the things you DO NOT want to do or those you deem rather insignificant. This is a call to action for you not to accept doing or being a half-job-charlie! Using your full range of ability to the best job possible is not a nice-to-have but rather a requirement. Are you prepared to make this ‘unsafe’ choice?
7. Make peak experiences more likely. How? Learn and focus what you are good at and then live up to and express your full potential through those tasks or experiences. It’s as good as a guarantee that things will shift for you.
8. Find out and make it your business to explore who you really are, what you like and dislike, what is good and/or bad for you, where you are going and what your true mission in life is. It’s a mouthful, isn’t it? How many of us know the deep and meaningful answers to these questions? I know you may have an opinion about these things but do you really KNOW? And if you do or once you do, can you truly open up (to yourself) to identify the defenses you have around these issues? In other words, all the reasons WHY (which aren’t really that important in the bigger picture) and then be prepared to give them up? Ooooh, I sense I may have struck a nerve here. This is big, I realise that and also that this process can take time and require an enormous amount of effort, patience, resilience and humbleness to make it happen. Don’t expect this to be easy, it won’t be. It also cannot be. There may be behaviours, patterns and history that you need to deal with first in order to get this right and forego of what is trapping you and I recommend that you work with a coach to support you in attaining this state of being. The rewards will be invaluable to you in the long term.
I would be interested in hearing your experiences and how you are planning to experience peak moments and higher levels of self-actualisation.
9. And last but not least and following onto the previous point, KNOW THY SELF! With this, I mean in totality and holistically. You cannot be whole in one area and broken or ignorant in another. Life’s little web of intricate balances will not allow that to happen. That is why pathologies and disorders develop and occur and why we need to constantly choose progress and growth ALWAYS, above that of safety to overcome these challenges to move ahead.
“The way to recover the meaning of life and the worthwhileness of life is to recover the power of experience, to have impulse voices from within, and to be able to hear these impulse voices from within-and make the point: This can be done.” ~Abraham Maslow~
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