Become the Master of Circumstance

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them, make them. ~ George Bernard Shaw ~

I am embarrassed to admit that I found myself amidst a bout of complaining (my own) for something I was very unhappy about over a few weeks.

My annoyance in hindsight with the situation is that I waited so long before I did anything about it. What a waste of precious and valuable time (again my own).

I also complained out loud to whoever was prepared to listen, which means that I didn’t ask permission from my innocent victims, to complain.

I just did so unashamedly as if they agreed to listen to my whining. How rude.

When we complain (usually to friends, colleagues or loved ones), we assume they want to hear what we are complaining about as if they have the answer or remedy to our often self-inflicted pain.

Wrong again!

A complaint usually arises from a situation in which you find yourself after taking NO action when action is called for or required to change what it is you do not like or are not getting.

The facts about complaints:

When you expect something to happen out of fresh air, you are deluding yourself and I can guarantee that you will end up in complaint when it does not. Then, when you complain, you are a victim of your circumstances and you are not choosing to do something about it.

When you feel frustrated as a result, it is because you are STILL not prepared to do anything about the situation.

When you slowly become angry about the situation, stop (!) and consider that you still have not taken any action to remedy this mess. For how much longer are you going to stay angry about this? Who is going to fix your problem? It really is not going to happen by itself. I can guarantee you that.

The next step in this downward spiral is that you will eventually give up and walk away having resigned yourself to the fact that nothing can be done about this.

Is this true? Did you do anything about the situation? Yes/No? If yes, what did you do and how did it go? I would like to hear from you. If not, what were your reasons for not taking any action? What are you going to do next time when something similar happens?

Here is the problem. You really are powerless when you do nothing about an unhappy or dissatisfying situation. It does not matter how trivial or serious that situation is.

• Perhaps you are in complaint because you do not have enough money and require a raise at work.
• Perhaps you want more love and intimacy in your relationship and no matter how much you hint, nothing is forthcoming.
• Perhaps it is that you require something from a friend which you are not getting.
• Perhaps it is that you are tired of listening to the same conversations (and complaints) when you meet with your friends.

Any situation qualifies.

So what we do and not what we say is what takes us from victim to victor.

The first thing to do is to take responsibility for the situation. If you leave this up to someone else, you will not get what you want.

Take action for what you want to change or for what you want!

You have to get what you want by making yourself heard:

Step 1: Express what you are after clearly to your friend, boss, colleague or partner.
Step 2: Ask for what you want clearly. Be forthright and confident and remember why you are doing this.
Step 3: Demand from the other party if this is really important to you and let them know that there may be consequences if the situation does not change or if you do not get what you want.
Step 4: Decide if this method is going to continue serving you in the future. This is not the first or the last time that you are going to want something or going to have to change something.

Please remember the following tips - they are crucial to you success!

Tip One:
First decide if what you are about to say/do/change/request is really important to you. Is this a deal-breaker for you or is this simply something that would be nice to have more of in your life? You have to decide this BEFORE you express yourself. This is very important because it will require you to decide if you are prepared to comprise on a situation when confronted or challenged.

As an example:

• Is earning more money absolutely non-negotiable for you or would it just be really convenient to have more of it?
• Is more love an intimacy crucial to your relationship surviving or is it something you miss?
• Is resolving conflict absolutely necessary for you to continue in a job or relationship is it something that would just make your life easier?

Tip Two:
The next important thing to remember is that you cannot enter any situation with an agenda or with an expectation for an outcome or result. If you are, you will be disappointed. The same applies to when you request something from someone. Do not expect them to jump or comply to your request. They are entitled to refuse you for whatever reason. Remember to remain free and unattached of any outcome.

An an example:

• You could ask for a raise from your boss 4-5 times and he/she can refuse you every time for economic reasons or until you prove your worth or until the company is in a position to pay you more.
• You can express your need for love or request more intimacy but if your partner is not capable right now, you will have to decide how important this really is to the survival of your relationship.

If something is really important to you and you cannot live without it any longer, then you have to demand (step 3) from that person what you require and you will have to let them know that there will be consequences such as you looking for another job or leaving the relationship if you do not get what you want. NO IDLE THREATS! Remember you have already decided if this is important enough for you to demand it in the first place.

If you continue to demand without any results; decide if it’s worth staying in this job or relationship. Surely your non-negotiable needs are not going to change overnight.

If you respect and remember the two tips I gave you, you will be free and continue to express yourself in a positive and powerful way which is free from complaint, frustrations and anger for what you do not have or get in life.

You will become the victor of your life situations and you will shift instantly from being a victim whilst avoid complaining and dragging innocent victims down with you.

If you have any difficulty expressing yourself or getting what you want, drop me a line so I can assist you with this.

Photo credit: Will Lion

Tagged as: anger, complaining, complaint, frustration, resignation, responsiblity, victim, victor